Finding my Centre. Why I had a break from blogging and social media.
When I first started out on this blogging journey, I knew it was a leap into the unknown but I didn’t expect blogging burnout so soon. I am only 1 year in.
So what’s happened?
Before A Gut Feeling I had never used words to articulate ideas or communicate an opinion on anything. Finding my voice has been scary, unfamiliar terrain. If you have read my intro post you will know that writing comes with excruciating self scrutiny. English was never my area of flair. I’m a graphic designer. Visual arts are more my comfort zone. Surprisingly though I have discovered the joy within the torment and, from a journaling perspective, the process has been therapeutic, calming and, at times, very enjoyable.
What a relief for a blogger to realise that she likes to write, right? Sounds weird but it’s something that I am still coming to terms with. I started a blog. Now I’m going to have to write. Write regularly even. Write like, maybe full time!
I started A Gut Feeling with raw uncertainty and trust. I began it with the blessed attitude of surrendering to unknown possibility. I believed that if i followed my gut feeling, all else would fall into place. I didn’t have a business plan, or clear vision. I just got into it and on with it – but I didn’t take a breath!
I hoped and intended A Gut Feeling to be a creative place to share my food and gut geekiness but somewhere along the way I got far too serious on myself. I lost my buoyancy, my freedom to play and be creative. This was supposed to be a place for healing. I became my own worst enemy – an obsessive workaholic with no work/life boundaries. Now, being a workaholic is not all that bad a trait. I love that I am self motivating and driven but I became increasingly stressed, obsessive and anxious.
I didn’t just put a toe in, I dived in and attempted to swim every social media channel. I didn’t predict the implications. I didn’t anticipate the sense of responsibility I would feel, the work involved or the stress i would put myself under to get something posted. (Self imposed I might add). I was always comparing myself to bigger name bloggers and pushing myself to pump out content. I thought I could do it all: parent, blog and work. Funny, I imagined I’d even have time to make art? Yeah right!
I simply pushed myself too hard, too fast. I didn’t come up for air. I’ve had my head down, busy doing a lot of ‘shoulds’ and neglected myself. When anxiety weaves its crippling way into even the joyful things in your life you have to ask yourself is something wrong here? Am I working with my flow or against the grain? I’ve had to question; Can I feed this baby that I have created and stay balanced and true to myself?
So, It’s time to recalibrate! Take some time out to find my centre. I am practising new skills – big life skills like breathing! Wow, what a revelation breathing has been!
My new wellness project (besides gut stuff) is to find ways to generate and participate in a calmer version of myself. I’m inviting stillness home.
Without guilt, I spend less time on screens and more time with the people I love. I’m going to get outdoors, even, dust off my paints and play a bit. I’m going to re-route to re-engage my passions. My plan is to return with a refreshed vantage point.
It’s spring, so who knows what will take root and sprout after I take some time out and nourish number one for a while.